The Wagon and my Fall

I fell off the wagon-with a resounding CRASH!

Technically, I fell off of two wagons. The blogging about myself wagon and the taking care of myself wagon.

David and I decided to give a third baby a shot. I don't know why I am unable to take care of myself and ttc at the same time....but, they just don't seem to go together for me. Add in a couple of sinus infections...and you end up with a me that hasn't lost any weight, hasn't exercised, and has eaten anything that she wants.

We have tried for the last two months to conceive. We will be taking a break....maybe temporarily...maybe permanently. I don't want to have a July baby...since I know I will be returning to work....and I don't want to miss the first three months of a school year.

Hence, my commitment to myself. I am giving myself 9 months...just like I would if I were pg. I am taking care of myself for 9 months. Hopefully, when the 9 months are up I will have clarity, and be in much better shape.

Fighting the Good Fight

I am still battling the fat. I think I am winning...but, it is one of those battles that takes a while....

I only have about a week before I am back at work. This summer has been so much fun. I am sad to see it go....

A little bit of this...a little bit of that

It has been a while since I have updated. I have sort-of let this blog go by the wayside. I have a blog where I keep track of our daily life...where the grandparents, aunts and uncles can check to see what we have been up to. I have also started a Fat Fighting Blog...where I am going to detail my weight loss as I go along. Yesterday was the starting point for it. I took pictures that show every single pound of fat....and even added my measurements. I cringed when I did so...but, am hoping that the accountability will stand me in good stead.

Less than a month before I am back to work....

Vacation Straight Ahead

Yep. That's right. We leave for Cape Cod on Friday. I thought I had a pretty good handle on things. Then David asked me one simple question that has put me into a tailspin.

"Are we bringing the stoller?"

It seems like a rather innocuous question....innocent even. But...in that question lurks uncertainty.

I wasn't going to bring the stroller. Hadn't even thought about bringing the stroller. Now, I can think of NOTHING but bringing the stroller...or not bringing the stroller.

I think we are NOT bringing the stroller..... of course I am the person who was walking through the mall today either pushing an empty stroller....or...pushing a stroller with the 2 year old standing up facing backwards.....or....pushing the stroller that the 2 year old was trying to catapult out of.

Summer!

Summer is great. I am loving it....every second. I feel very spoiled however. We pay Dana during the summer so that we are guaranteed Drew's spot when school starts up....and we think it will be good for him to go a couple days a week for a half day...just so he stays used to going. Dana lets Brooke come for free. Brooke loves to go because she likes to play with the babies. So, for the last two days I have had the morning to myself.... They go to Dana on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

Today when I went to pick up the kids Brooke begged to stay....so, she stayed and made cookies with Dana and played with a little boy her age that was there. Drew took a short nap today...so, I got to spend some one-on-one time with just Drew.

Tomorrow, Drew has his well-child checkup...and then we have a pool playdate.

Back on TRACK

School is officially out for the summer-even for the teachers! I don't think it has really sunk in yet. I am thrilled though!!!

I have done a horrible job this week at the whole weight watcher thing. There was a lot of stuff to get done and I stress eat. Unfortunately, I don't eat carrots and apples when I am stressed. I swear that every child brought me candy...and I ate a good bit of it. Then, because I had eaten the candy might as well have this or that too.

So, I am back on track as of today. NO cheating. Cheating gets you nowhere.

Move-Up Day

I met my new class for next year today. I LOVE them. They are amazing. I am so excited...and although I am very excited about this summer. I am looking forward to next year.

I can't wait to hear Brooke's first impression of her new teacher. She will have Mrs. Perkerson next year. She just had a baby about a month ago. I know it will be a good match. I really can't believe that today is the last day of kindergarten. It seems like yesterday was the first day. Time flies.

Live and Learn

Someone found David's wallet and turned it in. David either left it in the locker room or dropped it in the parking lot. However, the person who FIRST found it helped themselves to the debit card and the credit cards. The SECOND person who found it turned it in to the front desk.

The truly ironic thing is that David was the most stressed because he had a slip of paper in there with our checking acct. number on it. That slip of paper was somehow stuck to the back of a rewards card for Dick's Sporting Good...and it was still there when he got the wallet back last night. He knows it wasn't tampered with because he had to PEEL it off the back of the card.

At least now David doesn't have to get a new driver's license, health insurance card, and we don't have to close our account. The bank is sending David a new debit card. His accounts have all been closed and reopened with a new account number.

It does make us sad to be reminded that there are people out there who are so dishonest. Live and learn.

Oh no

David's wallet has disappeared. Completely vanished. We were hoping that it was lost at the gym and someone had turned it in. As of now...no luck. We have put a hold on his credit cards and on his debit card. (Hopefully mine WILL work)

As he said in an e-mail a few minutes ago. This is NOT what I want to be doing this week.

I think I am going to do a 365 blog as well...so that my Mom and Dad can check in and see what is going on.

A little bit of everything.

Good Afternoon. Happy Saturday!

Today is a little bit busy. Not harried, just busy. We all went to the gym this morning. Brooke and Drew played in the kid area. Apparently they played in the gym portion for a while because Brooke was telling us about how Drew had so much fun at basketball. Apparently he made a few "home runs". (Too funny) I was proud that I did 20 minutes on the huge stair thingy.

We went by Walmart to get a present for a birthday party that Drew is going to this afternoon. This is the first time that Drew is going to a party that Brooke isn't going to. It has happened plenty the other way around though. We also went by Payless to get Drew a new pair of sneakers. His feet have hit a sudden growth spurt. He got a new pair of light up Cars shoes. Brooke got an impulse buy of High School Musical flip flops.

After the party this afternoon the guys are going to play a round of frisbee golf in preparation for Man Olympics on the 31st. It is one of our new events for next year. Then we will be cooking out.

The scale was very friendly to me this morning. I know I am supposed to only weigh once a week...but, I just can't help myself. It says I have lost a grand total of 20 pounds...I will wait and see what it says next Wednesday.

Weigh in Day

I lost another 7lbs this week for a grand total of 14lbs. I KNOW that I won't continue to lose 7lbs every week, although I would love it if I could. I now have 94lbs to go. I had thought about having David take pictures as I progress...but, I haven't gotten up enough nerve yet. Nor, do I think I want to see the cold/hard proof. Although....after a few weeks I might like to see the change.

I did 15 minutes on the big stair thing today. I was so proud of myself.

The kids are great. They played together really well last night. Drew idolizes Brooke, and she typically gets annoyed with him because he wants to do exactly what she is doing. I used to hate how my niece and nephew used to argue and fight and pick at each other. I don't want Brooke and Drew to be like that...but, I am not sure how to keep them from being like that.

Butterfly Ball

Yesterday was Brooke's Butterfly Ball. They have been learning about manners and some simple dance steps...and this was their opportunity to use it all. She looked adorable. The room was decorated, and they had a great time!

7 days

There are 7 days left of school. 8 if you count today...which I am not. The students are on the buses heading home...so SEVEN.

I am thrilled. I love each of these children individually...but, as a class...not so much. My nerves are frayed. They can not stop talking. I have never had such a chatty class. The end of the school year is horriciting. It is exciting because it is almost over and it is horrible because there is SO much to do. I tend to procrastinate and then I end up getting overwhelmed.

Sticking with it

Hi there. I had several mini victories today.

Mini Victory #1: I was at the gym and I was working out and I was procrastinating about getting on the giant stair machine....but, I made myself do it...and I did my 12 minutes.

Mini Victory #2: We ordered dinner from Outback...and I still have leftover points.

Wonkiversary

Today is my wonkiversary. It has been 3 years since I met a great group of ladies online. I have never met them in real life...but, I would count them among my closest friends. I know that I will meet them one day. I know there will be a moment of silence...and only a moment.

To all the Wonkies out there: I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers daily. Your tribulations are my tribulations. Your trials are my trials. I laugh with you, smile with you, and cry with you.

We had a cookout tonight to introduce my in-laws to our best friends, Jenna and Frank. We had a great time. David made his famous chicken. I made coleslaw...(2pts per serving) weight watcher macaroni and cheese (I don't know if that will be repeated) cucumber dill dip for raw veggies, and 1 point margaritas. (YUM) The kids had a great time playing in the sand table...although I bet there isn't much sand in the sand table any more...it is spread throughout the yard. Brooke and Drew fell asleep before their heads even touched the pillow.

Happy Dance

Well...

I am the new grade level leader. It is such a minor victory. I really have never cared if I was or if I was not the grade level leader. But, for some reason this year. I wanted it badly. I think I wanted it because M. wanted it and was such a snot about it all. I am glad....though...because I really need some new leadership opportunities. Last year I was in charge of SO much...too much...and this year I am in charge of virtually nothing. I think I need to come to grips with the fact that I am a control freak....

My in-laws arrive tomorrow..which means I have to fold the mountain of laundry on the guest bed tonight. I really need to figure out a system to do that in a timely fashion. I would happily take any suggestions.

Weight watchers is giving me another reason for a happy dance. I was down 7lbs from last Wednesday. Woohoo!!!

Drew was trying his best to climb out of the crib this morning when I went in to get him... Am I ready for this? I don't think so.

Purgatory

Today is the day for the grade level leader interviews. M still hasn't asked me if I am interviewing...although she has voiced loudly and often to everyone else that she thinks it is unfair if she doesn't get it. I have half a mind to tell the principal today to just forget it....that it isn't worth the trouble. M will do her best to make my life a living hell if she doesn't get it. I guess I will just see how today plays out. I have somehow managed to get myself stuck in a school that must double as purgatory for teachers. 2 more full school years before I can transfer.

I have decided that I am only buying one more pack of pull-ups for Drew. He wakes up every morning dry. I need to have some on hand for days that we might be in the car for a while.... although the other day he cried because he had to go, and he had a pull-up on. I told him it was o-kay to go ahead and pee because we were in traffic, and there was nowhere to stop. He held it...and then peed as soon as we got into Ikea. I will put one on him for the flight to Cape Cod...just in case. It seems that I might need to keep some on hand for my own peace of mind.

Brooke has a field trip today. They are going to a nature center. She is convinced that she is going to see a bear.

Thirteen Days

Thirteen days=the number of student days left of this school year. Brooke has 13 days left in kindergarten. I have 13 days left with these 5th grade students.

We had a great relaxing weekend. Saturday was just spent at home. We watched the Kentucky Derby, and I shed a tear about the poor horse that came in 2nd place who had to be euthanized because she broke both of her ankles. It just seemed pointless. Sunday was spent with our neighborhood friends. Brooke and Drew both played until they could play no more. I am not sure I have ever seen either of them as dirty as they were. Bath time involved lots of soap and lots of scrubbing. I swear that Drew was relieved when we put him in his crib. If he could have said, "finally!" he would have.

I got up this morning at 4:10 and went to the gym. There are these giant stair climbing machines....with moving stairs. I did 9 minutes yesterday...and did 10 today. (In addition to all of my other cardio) My goal is to add a minute each day that I go to the gym. I don't think I will be going to the gym tomorrow morning. It will be David's turn.

There is really nothing else to report on....

When you wait long enough-a weekend comes!

It is Saturday. I love Saturday mornings. David is at the gym, but should be home any minute. I have made blueberry crisp for breakfast-a WW recipe that I am trying for the first time. Hopefully, it will be yummy.

Our breast cancer fundraiser circuit officially begins tomorrow with a Pampered Chef party. A portion of the proceeds will go to Team Cupcake for the Atlanta 2-day. We have Man Olympics on the 31st, Poker Night in June, and Boob-B-Que in August all leading to the culminating event: The 30 mile walk. Last year I only walked 10 of the miles the first day, and 5 the second day. This year, I will do the whole thing....every single bit.

13 days left of school. Grades are wrapping up, which is the hugest secret in the whole world. If students knew that grades will be done sooner rather than later they would know that the end of the year is a huge sham. I am in charge of field trips next year. I really want to come up with two super fun trips.

Right now there is a huge power struggle on my grade level. I put in for grade level leader and so did M. M thinks she deserves it because she has been at the school for the last 5 years...but, I have more experience than she does. Our grade level is divided into 2 different hallways. She is in the other hallway....my friends on my hall refer to the other hall as the "others" It is true.

Watching the Weight

Hi there.

It has been a while since I wrote. I did indeed go to the dr.'s appt, and he did indeed think my thyroid was part of my problem. He started me on some medicine, and it has made a difference. In fact, I went back again yesterday, and he increased the dose...so, we shall see.

It has finally occurred to me that the weight isn't going to magically disappear. I toyed with the idea of gastric bypass and lapband... I am actually scheduled to go to an informative session June 4th. Until then...I am in the land of weight watchers. In a month...I should be able to lose between 10-15 lbs if I am giving WW my all...which I intend to.

The kids are doing well. Brooke has less than 3 weeks left of kindergarten. She is growing like a weed, reading like a champ, and losing teeth left and right. Drew just turned 2. He is completely potty trained, and has even graduated to pee-peeing standing up.

Life is good right now. I am really looking forward to this weekend. Surely, I can make it one more day, and surely I can post again before another month flies by.

Making it

I remember being approximately 13 and playing with a Ouija board with some friends and it "told" me that I was going to die at the age of 14. I remember thinking that it might be possible because I couldn't imagine life beyond that point. I suppose that it was all due to point of reference. I had no "schema" for being an older teenager. (please forgive the teacher talk)

I am trying to shake this weird feeling that I don't have the rest of my life to live. Is it because I don't know what lays ahead? Is it because there is some underlying health issue that is right at the edge of my conscience? I have decided to make an appt. with a highly recommended dr. just to check on my overall health.

I am also planning on talking with the dr. about a possible thyroid problem. I don't seem to be able to lose weight, and in fact seem to be gaining at a rapid rate. I know that many people say that they can't lose weight....but, I really seem to be unable to lose weight. It seems that there is nothing that I can do that will cause the weight to come off. I have many of the side effects that are listed for thyroid problems. So, I am hoping to find something out on March 13th.

Not so good at this

Hmmm....it appears that I am not a great blogger.

I don't think I have any more sparkle now than I did a month ago. I was chasing that elusive sparkle....and then my period caused everything to screech to a halt....

My sparkle hunt will begin again tomorrow with a trip to the gym. As I was typing this I realized that my sneakers are at school...so, I guess I will be hunting for sparkle in an old pair of sneakers. (They will work for the next couple of days....I am not going to delay my sparkle search due to a pair of shoes) I can't believe I left them there!

Brooke got to dress up today in clothes that indicated what she wants to be when she grows up.... So, my little vet went to school today in jeans, crocs, and a scrub top. I have to say that she looked as cute as possible. (She also had a stethoscope)

Drew is coming along with the potty training. I never expected him to be doing this well.

Nothing else to report.

Running to Sparkle

I have started a list of things I am running "to" and things I am running "away from". This list is a work in process.

Running to:

Being Strong and Healthy
Loving to Shop
Confidence
SPARKLE (of course)
Fashion
Sexy Lingerie

Running Away From:

Being Fat and Flabby
Hating to Try on Clothes
Low Self Esteem
Drabness
Wearing What Fits Regardless of Style
Parachute Undies

Searching for Sparkle

What is Sparkle?

Sparkle is the me inside of me. The me that existed before I married, before I had children, before I had a house and responsibility.

I want to find my Sparkle, and add it back into my life. I miss my Sparkle. I love my husband, and my children, and my life. I want to throw Sparkle in there and mix it all up. I want to laugh again, and smile, and be SPARKLY. I want to be a wife that my husband is proud of, I want to be a mother that my children are proud of, and I want to be a me that I am proud of.

I know my Sparkle is in there. It is buried deeply under 100 extra lbs. ONE HUNDRED POUNDS overweight. That fact alone makes me want to stop typing immediately. That fact makes me want to curl into myself and disappear. But...I am stronger than that. My Sparkle wants out. It is tired of wearing boring fat girl clothes. It is tired of being lazy. My Sparkle is demanding a second chance.

Who am I to deny Sparkle?